Be a Man, my Son.

Pardon the paraphrasing here, but what is man, that he has been made little lower than the angels? What is manliness? What might restored virtue look like? What purpose could valor serve in the 21st Century? Where does God want men today? Who are we to be? What are we to do? How can men find meaning and purpose, acceptance and approval, validation as men? Did God make a mistake, putting wildness in our hearts? God’s glory is man fully alive and man can only be fully alive in Christ!

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I acted like a child. Then I saw through a glass, darkly. Now face to face. I move daily toward a reflection of what Christ wants from me. The face is not mine, it’s His. He wants it all. My attempts to give 110% in sports performance in my youth made no sense for personal or team pride, but they now make sense in Christ. Through Him, I was made to do great deeds. Now the superhero cape I improvised as a four-year old, the Hoppalong Cassidy pearl handled revolvers and holster and white hat make sense. I understand the ecstasy of tackling and blocking with complete abandon. If I do what it is possible for me to do, I lose the transformation. I am weak. If I do what it is possible for God to do, I get it. If I want my life, I must give it all up until it is no longer me but Christ living in me. I am born to transcend my narrow, puny existence. As a man, I am weak. As a man of God, I wear His strength. My life is significant. Fully trusting and dwelling in Christ, I am alive in Him. I have His approval. I press on toward the goal, which again is Him. Christ above me, Christ below me, Christ on my left, Christ on my right, Christ within me.

Back to our Ultimate Fighting Championship. What pressure are these young men under? They are under the pressure of God’s purpose. They are pressured by His Holy Spirit to reach their potential, but they don’t know what he wants them to do. Their fathers didn’t tell them. Their coach didn’t tell them, either. They feel their way in the direction of greatness, but they need help to get there. The Good News must come to them in a timely manner or they will lose the path or worse; they will lose heart. The work of evangelism to men is very important. It is a return to virtue for us all, a return to valor, a return to courage and to selflessness. It will recover chivalry. It is important work. We must give it a very high priority, so that the little boys with capes and high expectations will grow up to be the man that God created them to be, without tragic tears and bitter disappointment. Manhood and fatherhood are important callings. Men's lives are at stake. Learn to stand firm. Gird your loins. Let's go.

Father Vacuum

The fastest way to get a room full of mancho men crying is to ask them to tell a story about their fathers. I've done it.

Reportedly, the only thing that 90% of convicts have dependably in common is that they have experienced no effective fathering.

When Daniel Patrick Moynihan found a 25% absent father condition in the black community in the 70's, he declared the community in desparate crisis. Fatherlessness is now 69% in urban African communities. The Anglo community is now at 25%. Both numbers are rising.

Our society is in rapid decline. Read it in the boys and the men. Boys are surpassed by the girls in every class, every profession, college admissions, graduate schools. Many young men now mature very slowly, if at all. They don't know how, because there is no one to show them, and so they frequently act out in ways that mimic tough, which is all the manliness they know. Alternatively, they become confused about their gender. To the hetero-confused men, being a man is having sex frequently (often violently) and fighting other men to "earn" respect. Or worse, seeking approval and acceptance from women, which leads either to philandering or submission and subjugation to women who then resent them for their weakness. To the homo-confused men, they attempt to find attention and approval from other men sexually, even though sex without latex is impossibly dangerous and the "gay" lifestyle is anything but. In late youth, childish attire is preferred. Backward ball caps, baggy pants, high school or college athletic shirts. Today's men play, mostly. Wherever they are, they avoid commitment.

My guess about the Sunday night gladiator in my last post is that I was looking at a young man that needed adult male validation and approval desparately. To mask his boyish need, he wore a muscled, fierce look. But in semi-consciousness after his knockout, the scared, sad boy came out. He wept. He wept because he was not going to get the approval that he so badly needed. He wept because he had failed to achieve the manliness that he sought in this "deadly" combat. He wept because without this achievement, he had lost purpose and direction. He had lost significance. Men are made for competition. There is a fierceness in their sports that pre-figures combat. They have a wildness in their heart that must be channeled and aimed. Because without taming, their distorted need for male recognition and achievement leads to destructive acts and self-destruction.

How does this happen? It has to do with the expectations and the disappointments of fatherhood. A boy, and the young man he someday wants to be, expects acceptance and approval. He wants...no, he needs validation from men. But, it is highly probably that today's young man's father did not receive approval and acceptance form his father, either. In the case of both generations, this leads to what Gordon Dalby has called the "father vacuum": the need to fill this vacuum can distort a man's life. And, strangely, the father vacuum is waiting for us all. Even if our father were healthy, happy and home, he can not be immortal and he, too, will disappoint us. We will need him and he won't be there. We will need his approval and challenge, and he will abandon us.

So, how do we escape this process? Boys and men must repent from making an idol of their sex. Instead we must turn our eyes and our hearts to our Father in heaven. And, when we experience the grace that fills this void, we must help other men with their transitions through the parts of their lives that seem to blind them to God's grace until He can claim them to himself as well. Because God alone can fill the "father vacuum" with the love, acceptance and significance that every man seeks. By following our brother, Christ, we are reconciled to our Father. And, in so doing, we find significance in adopting and living His life, our true inheritance.

More later.

Ultimate Fighting Championship

Last night, sniffling with a fall cold and sure no one loved me, I watched two men fight on Spike TV. There was an obligatory dramatic documentary of their training and their family stories. There was the ritual posing and posturing as macho men who intended to be violent and show no mercy. There was the cage, the dramatic, spotlighted introduction, the raucous "Let's get ready to rumble" roar from the referee and the crowd's roar in response. Two eager, young, scared, fierce looking strong men leapt on each other to do their worst. One blonde, muscled and boyish, one a little older brunette who had determined to "hate" his opponent and bring all his ferocity to bear.

The two struggled mightily in the first five minute period, but the fight was even. No blood. Lots of wrestling and attempted kicking, elbows, fists, feet. However, the boyish blonde was staggered by a quick punch, then two quick knees to the head in the second period. He was knocked cold and lifeless. They brought an ice pack for his neck and some concerned attention from the trainers and a doctor. For a minute or two as he roused, he muttered over and over, "I didn't make it..." Then, to the surprise of all, he began to cry like a little boy. My heart ached for him. This was a young man who had devoted his life to being good enough to "make it" and he was now crying like his dream, maybe even his life, was over. Such pain. Such sadness.

My thought? This is about fatherhood. This is about manhood, misunderstood.
More tomorrow.

This Sunday I have to give a Stewardship moment. Three minutes.

How about:
"If God exists and Jesus is who He says he is, and we are going to live with Him eternally, then what, exactly, should our priority be in doing the work of His kingdom on earth through supporting his church here at Epiphany? If His kingdom and His work are our first priority, then does our calendar and our checkbook show it? Add up the time. Tally up your monthly expenses. If we have talents, does Epiphany benefit from them? He gave them to us. In fact He gave us everything. Do we bring the first fruits of our life to Him each month? Do we tithe our time, our treasure and our talents? Do we tithe anything? It is said that the average American now spends nine hours a day in front of media (i.e., radio, TV, print media). If that is true, then a tithe of our media time would give fifty-four minutes a day to reading his word. How's that working for you?

The good news is that Epiphany church is really growing and developing. The bad news is that as a member of this body, the ability to sustain our growth is up to you. We need you to make a significant increase in your commitment of time, talents and treasures. During our Stewardship campaign, plan to have a family meeting. This week if possible. What can you do to help? If you are tithing, consider second mile giving. If you are not, consider how you can increase your pledge this year in the direction of a full tithe. If you are an active volunteer, tithing your time and talents, thank you. If you are not, see a vestry member to offer your help today.

You know how important this is for Epiphany. And, you know how important an increased commitment will be for your own faith. Step up your commitment in 2006. You can do it. We are back, but we are not yet in the black. Help our church. Help your Christ. He and His work are your first priority"

Kairos Closing

I know there are restrictions of some kind on communicating with residents, but I wanted to express my reactions to the men who attended Kairos #8 at Sterling Correctional Facility. Here is what I wrote to the men and organizers there:

My wife and I attended the gathering on Sunday night in Sterling. I had not attended one before, though I had heard great things about Kairos from friends in Maryland and Colorado who have "teamed" a weekend. My own ministry is men's ministry, though part time as I finish off my working years. I understand men and praise God for my ministry. I took the mentor training program offered in Maryland by Prison Fellowship and mentored a prisoner before I left Maryland. I have attended and teamed Walk to Emmaus weekends in Maryland and Men's events in Maryland, DC and Colorado. In that context, I planned to feel comfortable at your closing. I was.

However, I have an observation about attending that I wanted to share with the men, or maybe just with you if the rules don't allow. Here is what I observed.

Men are usually guarded with each other. They are raised to be competitive and they are made that way by God, also. This means that they usually posture or pose to each other. In prison, I would imagine that this would usually be "tough" or "dangerous" or "insane" kinds of behaviour, to warn others to keep their distance. This is true even among men in the outside. They pose as "successful", "gruff", "smart", or "tough" to each other. This keeps them apart, alienated from each other. My observation is that the men of this weekend had largely dropped this. Especially in the brief opportunity that the community had to congratulate them and bless them in their closer walk with Jesus, these men were vulnerable, with the strength of certainty that they belonged with this group, and even possibly with the larger assembled group of believers. The humility and openness was tangible. Not all had it, but most. These men were open enough to receive and to give love. They were strong in the Lord and exhibited the presence of the Holy Spirit. I've been to more weepy Walk to Emmaus closings. I've been to more ardent worship. But I've not been exposed to a more solid group of open believers, waiting for what Jesus was going to bless them with next.

I bless you and pray for the continued success of this program at Sterling and across the nation. Prison is a perfect place to meet Christ. The bible is the perfect book for the incarcerated to read about God, since so many of the men of the bible were fallen sinners, often convicted in their own sin by circumstances, by brothers, or by Jesus himself. My family will support your ministry fully. We praise God that He has shown us this great ministry and invited us to participate. We will.

God Bless you, mightily. I know it is hard, but stay the course. Your ministry is vital to America and to the world, but mostly to the building of the kingdom. The most ardent Christians I have ever met came to Christ in prison. It is a minstry that is important to Him.

Praise the Lord.